This Journey Called Motherhood

              

1985 – Steve         and       1989 – Becca

      Motherhood is a strange journey for most of us.  We spend all of our youth playing house, caring for baby dolls and dreaming of getting married and having our own kids.

      Then the next thing you know, you’re married and all your dreams are coming true….. or at least you’d like to believe they are.   You realize you’re a little late and panic.   You somehow or another calm yourself down and decide that you might in fact like the idea of being a mother so you head to the doctor to find out if the rabbit will die or not.  It does and so you begin that life long journey called “Motherhood”. 

      In reality, you begin to look like a whale, your hormones are going crazy and you’ll cry about a stupid commercial for an hour.   God forbid that you should watch a good “chic” flick – you’ll have puffy eyes and a stuffy nose for months.   Your ankles swell to the size of basketballs, you can’t see your feet, you’re swaybacked from a much enlarged front side of your body and you waddle like a duck.  Other than that, pregnancy is a great thing. 

       And then after all the anxiety, mood swings, pain, joy, laughter, cursing and pushing comes the moment you’ve waited your whole life for …… the moment when you first look into that beautiful little face, hold them in your arms and know that it was all worth it.

        

   1985 – Steve                    1989 – Becca

      Being a mother means unconditional love sprinkled with discipline, guidance, patience, wonder, worry, pride, anger,  fear, happiness, sadness, expectancy, disappointment and many emotions yet to be felt.  

      The love that I have for all my children (including the one that I didn’t give birth to) will never change.  I can only envision it getting stronger as my life goes on.  I thank God each day for the joy of having them in my life.

Our 25th Anniversary

We have the sweetest daughter - Becca and one of our best friends planned a party for our 25th wedding anniversary at "Agatha's Murder Mystery Dinner Theater".  I knew she was up to something, just wasn't sure what.

When we headed toward town and the directions put us into a parking deck that showed "Agatha's", then I knew that was where we were going.  What I didn't know was that 14 of our friends and family were also there waiting for us.  When I rounded the corner into the theater area, they were all standing up cheering for us.  It was awesome!  Becca was so excited because she had pulled off the surprise!

Bobby and I both had speaking parts in the performance and everyone else got to participate also.  It was so much fun and I have to admit that I almost got to the point of being tired of laughing!

Poor Steve was on the end of the table and kept being used as a resting place for "boobs"!  He'll hate me for posting this picture, but it was so funny I couldn't help myself!  The other picture is of my daughter-in-law, Jennifer and my sister-in-law, Anita singing with their group.

Can't wait to see what they'll do for our 50th (that is if we live that long!)!

That Helpless Feeling

I think that the worst time of my life was when I was told that Becca would need open heart surgery to repair a heart murmur. We knew she had a heart murmur when she was born, but it had been gradually closing up over the years. During the first part of 1994 I realized that I could hear her murmur without a stethoscope. When I asked her pediatrician about it, he said that sometimes when they are closing up they get really loud and this was normal. Several months went by and the next time we went in he decided to send her to a cardiologist for an echo cardiogram. The heart had been building up pockets of muscle around the hole trying to make another valve out of it. At the time it was not giving her any problems, but the doctor assured me that at some point in the future it would start to obstruct the flow of blood through the heart. She was five and had just started kindergarten when we got the news.

I grew up in a time when open heart surgery meant that you went to see the patient before the operation to say your goodbyes. Patients did not usually survive the trauma of open heart surgery and if they did, it was a long slow recovery process. My mind immediately thought of the worse case scenario when the doctor told me and for the first time in a long time, I cried like a baby. Luckily the nurse had taken Steve and Becca to the waiting room to play with the toys so they didn’t see how upset I got. And thank goodness, modern medicine had come a long way and the chances of her not surviving were less than 5%.

Surgery was scheduled for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving at Egleston Children’s Hospital, with us going in on that Monday for all the pre-op work. To keep Becca from being scared and to keep my mind off of what was about to happen, I decided to keep a diary of all the events surrounding her surgery. I took pictures of everything that happened to her and kept notes about the times and what was going on. I knew that when she was older she wouldn’t remember anything about the surgery and would want to know what had happened.

I had decided that when they took her to surgery, I would finally be able to have a nice cry, but when the time came – Bobby and everybody else was crying, so, trying to be a good mom, I got a stiff upper lip and held it together.

The surgery went well and I continued to occupy myself by working on the diary. I stayed at the hospital the whole week because I couldn’t bear to leave my baby there. They had a nice shower area for the family and sofas in the waiting room that slept better than our bed at home.

When Becca came out of surgery, Bobby and I were the first to go into ICU to see her. We knew what to expect about all the tubes and bandages, so that wasn’t much of a surprise. She was still out of it so all we got to do was watch her. Bobby was so pitiful, all he could do was cry. I had been so strong through the whole ordeal because everyone around me was falling apart and I still had to be strong when all I wanted to do was cry for my poor baby.

The second time we got to go in, my mother-in-law went with me. Becca was awake but her hands were strapped down to keep her from pulling out any lines and she still had a breathing tube down her throat. My heart broke – she kept trying to say mama and to reach out to me, but she couldn’t do either one and I couldn’t even hold her. Well, that was my moment – I had to turn away so that she wouldn’t see me cry and I only cried for a few seconds, but it was enough to scare everybody in the room. When I left the ICU, the staff had a nurse and a counselor waiting to make sure that I was OK. I think I must have scared them half to death when I cried.

The next day when it was decided that Becca should be put in a regular room and they started removing all the drainage tubes, cath lines, etc, she would scream every time they pulled on the heart catheter. The cardiologist decided that rather than taking a chance on doing some damage, they would take her back to surgery to find out what was wrong. My poor baby had to go through a second surgery. Luckily it turned out that the catheter was hung on a loop of suture and there was no damage done so the surgery took just a few hours.

She went back to the step down unit of the ICU and on Friday night was put into a regular room. At this point she had not had any food since early Monday evening. The cafeteria was closed but the nurses were so great – one went down and managed to bring Becca back some mashed potatoes and popsicles so Becca was in hog heaven! On Saturday they actually let her go home and I figured that I would have some time to get all of the Christmas gifts wrapped and do some decorating while she was recovering. Well, Becca had other ideas. Once she figured out that she didn’t hurt she was up and running and hasn’t stopped yet!

Watching your child go through something like this is one of the hardest things you ever have to do, you want so bad to take away their pain and make them better but you can’t. You have to trust that God has given you the best doctors and nurses to make them well again and that he will hold your child in his arms until he can place them back in yours.

Tuesday morning came around and the whole family was there to wish her well. After they had given her the “happy juice” (a type of anesthesia) Steve knelt beside the bed to kiss her bye and she was so sweet, stroking his face and loving on him and then before we knew it, she drew back and hit him, knocking him to the floor then just laughed and laughed. I thought for a minute that Steve would probably take care of the surgery problem by just killing her on the spot, but being the sweet little boy that he was, he just got up and went back over and gave her a kiss. It was the greatest of Kodak moments and I was so in shock that I forgot to take a picture of it….. go figure!

Mom, April and Steve naming Becca

My mother and father lived for the day when I would have them some grandchildren. When Steve came along, they doted on him and spoiled him every chance that they got. My mother would say that his “poop” didn’t stink (I’m here to tell you it did, but that’s another story).

When we found out that we were going to have another baby and it was a girl, Mom and Steve decided that they were going to name her. I only had one stipulation and that was that I wanted her middle name to be Joenne after me. They both agreed and immediately said Stephanie (after Steve) Joenne, but my sister-in-law and I were both pregnant and she had already decided to name her’s Stephanie if it was a little girl.

They were disappointed but set out on a quest to find just the right name. Steve got out books so he could find girl names and he and Mom sat on the sofa and put names together for what seemed like hours. Bobby wanted her named something that would have a nickname that he could call her by. It was funny listening to all the combinations that Mom and Steve came up with. Bobby would check each name for what the initials would spell, what nicknames she could be called by and other name related problems. The whole family got in on the act. Mom and Steve finally came up with Rebecca Joenne and it was agreed that we would call her Becca.

Never in the history of our family has it taken so much time and effort to name a new baby. But it was worth it, Becca seems to fit her just perfectly. And the whole family was happy with her name.

I have a P.S. to this story - April called me and reminded me that she was the one who originally said something to my mom about calling the baby "Becca" and I have no doubt that she did.  No matter what, it's fun that we all had a hand in naming her!

My Aunt Eula

Before I married Bobby, I was married to another man named Steve. The marriage only lasted for a little over 3 years and was a learning experience for me. I don’t regret it, I just wish that I had waited a while longer before getting married.

After Bobby and I married, when I found out that I was pregnant, Bobby told me that he wanted a little boy. We already had a daughter (April – by Bobby’s first wife). If it was a boy, Bobby wanted to know whether or not I would mind if we named him Robert Steven (Bobby, his Dad and Brother-in-law are all named Robert). I really didn’t mind so when the time came and it was a boy, we named him Robert Steven. Bobby was so proud, he said he’d always dreamed of having a little boy named Steve and he was tickled to death.

When we finally got Steve out of the house and started showing him off to other family members, we took him to see my Dad’s sister, Eula. I loved Aunt Eula dearly, she was as country as they come and somewhere along the road of life she had lost a card or two out of her deck. When we told her what Steve’s name was, she got so mad at us. She was appalled that we would name our son after my first husband. How dare we?!? We tried to explain to her that this was not the case, that Bobby had always wanted a son named Steve, but she didn’t believe us. Through the years, she would fuss at us over and over for what we did to Steve and I truly believe that she went to her grave thinking that we had named him after my first husband! God love her, this story still makes me laugh when I think of it!

We all have family members like Aunt Eula, but just think of how boring life would be without them! Remember them fondly and with love, because you know they’ve made you smile more than once. And just think, you come from the same gene pool!

Meet the Family - Jennifer

I consider Jennifer to be my third daughter, my daughter by a different mother (and father).  Jennifer is married to my son, Steve and is very special to me.  She is beautiful, funny, kind and thoughtful, but most of all, she makes my son happy. 

Steve and Jennifer had known each other for a while before they started dating because her family and ours went to the same church.  Jennifer is a few years older than Steve and when he knew that he wanted to ask her out, he asked me if he should.  Of course, my reply was that age did not matter, only what was in your heart.  I'm so glad now that I encouraged him to ask her out, because I could not have gotten a better daughter-in-law. 

We are lucky that they do not live too far from us and so we get to see them often.  She and Steve do not have any children yet, but I do have a grandpuppy, Titan.  When they do have children, I know that they will both make wonderful parents and will raise my grandchild up to be a loving and kind child with the background that they will need to make their way in life.

A family to be proud of!

Back in May, my son and some of his friends hosted a "white trash bash". It was like a costume party (well, for most of us anyway) in the middle of the year.

There were rules of attendance - no mixed drinks - beer only (and only certain types were allowed); you had to dress up; no tables to eat at, you had to eat out of your lap; corn toss, horseshoes, beer pong and flip cup were the only games allowed and if you brought wine, it had to come out of a box. If you didn't have a tattoo, one would be provided.

It was an absolute blast! I of course, was in hog heaven since there were hundred's of "Kodak" moments. And believe me, I took full advantage of that fact!

Most of the people in attendance were friends of Steve's from school, so it was fun to see them all. Hope you like our family portraits.

And of course, the evening would not have been complete without trying to fill up the fence with beer cans..... after all, it was a "White Trash Bash"!!

I live with a bunch of comedians!

For mother's day this year, the kids came over and we had a cookout.  April, Steve, his wife Jennifer, Becca and her boyfriend Shane and Bobby and I were all there.  The only one missing was my Granddaughter, Ashley.  We had a wonderful time and I really enjoyed getting to be with all of them.

Whenever we get together for family events, I try to take a group photograph before everyone heads home.  Well, this night was no different.....  after taking several shots, and finally getting all the puppies in the picture, I decided to take one more just for good measure.

Seems like the kids had another idea in mind..... they decided to jump out of the picture, leaving just Jennifer and Shane with Bobby and I.   Well.....  I got the last laugh!  They had forgotten that I have a wide-angle lense on my camera.  You can see the results! 

What a bunch of comedians!  At least life is never dull with them!

Meet the Family - Steve

Steve was the first child I gave birth to and so I really didn’t know what to expect. Of course, everyone gives you advice and tells you all the things that happened to them while they were pregnant. Somehow or another though, they must not have had the same experiences I did because no one ever mentioned the things that happened to me.

The night before Steve was born I woke up in the middle of the night thinking that my water had broken. I wasn’t having any pain so I decided to take a shower before I woke Bobby up. Well, he must have been sleeping on pins and needles because the minute I stepped into the shower he came into the bathroom wanting to know what was going on. As soon as I got dressed we headed to the hospital.

They checked me in, did a little test and then told me that my water had not broken. Then they proceeded to tell me that my beautiful little baby had kicked my bladder and had caused me to go to the bathroom. (Not a great feeling when they tell you that you just made a trip to the hospital for wetting the bed!). I was scheduled to be induced the next day anyway so rather than send me home and make me come back the next day, our doctor decided to go ahead and induce my labor while I was there.

I had planned on having an epidural so that I could be awake for the birth but not in any pain. After they gave me the medicine to start labor but before the pain got too bad, they gave me the epidural. Well, it was great and blocked the pain really well….. on one side of my body that is. It turned out that I had what they called a “window” and that the epidural had gone to one side. They gave me a booster shot thinking that it would numb the other side. It did, but in the process it numbed me so much that I could not feel a thing from my waist down.

When they came in to take me to the delivery room one of the nurses asked me to just pick up my bottom and help them get me onto the gurney. I laughed at her and then said “Pick it up??? I don’t even know where it is!” After a few minutes of pushing, pulling and yanking, they finally got me onto the gurney (think about those people who try to get a beached whale back into the water – it was a little like that!).

We finally made it into the delivery room and right before Steve was born, they went through a shift change. Talk about loosing your dignity. There’s nothing like laying on the delivery table exposed to God and everybody and then they all leave and a whole new shift comes in…. if it hadn’t been so funny, I probably would have cried. We did have 2 of the nurses that stayed with us through the whole delivery. All in all it was a great experience, we laughed and told jokes and then laughed a little more.

My dad had been wanting a little girl since I had told him I was pregnant and had even brought a little pink sleeper to the hospital for his baby “granddaughter”. After Steve was born, Bobby went to the waiting room to tell everybody that we had a boy and he said that Daddy’s chin dropped for just a moment and then he jumped up and celebrated with everyone else. No man loved his grandson more than my Daddy loved Steve. Up to the day he died, Steve was his buddy and the joy of his life.

Steve is all grown up and married now and has turned out to be a fine young man. He makes us very proud. This story will probably embarrass him to death but it’s still funny no matter how you look at it.

Meet the Family - The Kids

Bobby and I have 3 kids, April (who is by Bobby’s first marriage, but she’s always been my first child – even before Bobby and I married), Steve and Becca. Our children are not exceptional except for the fact that they are beautiful, smart and well-rounded.

They were taught from an early age to respect other people’s property – the first rule at our house was “if it’s not yours – DON’T Touch It!! They grew up knowing that if they disrespected their teachers, anyone from church, their grandparents or just about anyone else, then the punishment would be severe.

They knew that if they were sent to the office for being bad that they had better go ahead and call for an ambulance and family and children’s services because they were going to need them by the time I got through with them.

They were taught to say “yes ma’m and no ma’m, yes sir and no sir”, to open doors for others, to say thank you when someone did something for them, to respect figures of authority, to honor the flag and to be kind to others who were less fortunate than they were.

I am very proud to say that my children are not axe murderers or thieves, they aren’t members of gangs, they don’t do drugs, and don’t live off of the government. They are just good well-rounded American kids. I'm not saying that they are perfect, because by no means are they even close to perfect, but I couldn’t be prouder of any of them.

They’re all adults now and letting them go was a really hard thing to do because they will always be my babies. Sometimes I can’t quiet let go, but it’s getting better and a little easier as time goes by. Most of the time I enjoy the empty nest, but sometimes it gets really lonely and I want my babies back, then I get over it.

I seem to have trained them well and so far so good..... Just remember to give your babies lots of hugs and kisses because before you know it, they get to "big" for them. Either that or teach them that they will never get to old to mind their mama (which includes giving hugs and kisses) or their mama will take them down a notch or two!

"Train up a child in the ways he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6).